It's okay
TW: severe depression and anxiety
Everyone talks about the mental illnesses that soldiers develop from being in combat environments. PTSD, TBI, anxiety, depression. As a soldiers I saw it, as a military spouse I still see it.
One thing I've noticed is that, as a spouse, I'm not allowed to talk about the mental illness I've develop due to my husband's deployment. No I wasn't there, no I wasn't dealing with indirect fire on almost a daily basis, no I wasn't being shot at. However, I was crying myself to sleep at night worried about my husband going through these things. I was constantly checking my phone to make sure I was getting messages from him. I was a wreck if I didn't hear from him and I was terrified to wake up the next morning to a knock on the door from men in uniform.
It's okay to have a mental illness due to all of this. My husband and I have only had to deal with one deployment. There are families that are on their third, fourth, tenth deployment. It's okay to have depression when they're gone, it's okay to have anxiety worrying about them. It's okay to talk about it and say it out loud. You'll have your assholes that say "well you weren't there, you didn't have to deal with it" THAT'S WHY IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME! Chris would tell me about what they did for the day and, most times, for him it wasn't a big deal but it would trigger me and freak me out because he could have died.
I've had depression for many years and the deployment only agitated it, but I also develop anxiety due to Chris being in such dangerous parts of the world. I'm finally getting help, I'm starting to feel okay and Chris has been home for almost 6 months. These feelings aren't going to go away right away or they might never go away. That's okay. Please, don't just "deal with it", get the help you need. I never thought I would be able to pull myself out of the dark hole I was in but I'm starting to. And I wouldn't have been able to do it alone. It's taken 4 doctors, 2 therapist, 7 different medications, 4 months of practicing meditation, and a whole lot of self love and love from friends/family to really start to feel like myself again.
It's okay, I'm okay.
Everyone talks about the mental illnesses that soldiers develop from being in combat environments. PTSD, TBI, anxiety, depression. As a soldiers I saw it, as a military spouse I still see it.
One thing I've noticed is that, as a spouse, I'm not allowed to talk about the mental illness I've develop due to my husband's deployment. No I wasn't there, no I wasn't dealing with indirect fire on almost a daily basis, no I wasn't being shot at. However, I was crying myself to sleep at night worried about my husband going through these things. I was constantly checking my phone to make sure I was getting messages from him. I was a wreck if I didn't hear from him and I was terrified to wake up the next morning to a knock on the door from men in uniform.
It's okay to have a mental illness due to all of this. My husband and I have only had to deal with one deployment. There are families that are on their third, fourth, tenth deployment. It's okay to have depression when they're gone, it's okay to have anxiety worrying about them. It's okay to talk about it and say it out loud. You'll have your assholes that say "well you weren't there, you didn't have to deal with it" THAT'S WHY IT WAS SO HARD FOR ME! Chris would tell me about what they did for the day and, most times, for him it wasn't a big deal but it would trigger me and freak me out because he could have died.
I've had depression for many years and the deployment only agitated it, but I also develop anxiety due to Chris being in such dangerous parts of the world. I'm finally getting help, I'm starting to feel okay and Chris has been home for almost 6 months. These feelings aren't going to go away right away or they might never go away. That's okay. Please, don't just "deal with it", get the help you need. I never thought I would be able to pull myself out of the dark hole I was in but I'm starting to. And I wouldn't have been able to do it alone. It's taken 4 doctors, 2 therapist, 7 different medications, 4 months of practicing meditation, and a whole lot of self love and love from friends/family to really start to feel like myself again.
It's okay, I'm okay.
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